Why I became a teacher

I've wanted to write this entry for a few months now, and I suppose there's no better time to finally let the words flow. My first day as a New York City teacher has come and gone. It's what I've been preparing for all summer--the introductory speech, the laying down of the rules, the first lesson. They told me that if I lost them today it would be hard to go back. That's a hefty amount of pressure, thinking back on it. No wonder so many teachers seemed nervous and a little on edge this morning as they milled about the office making their final preparations. As for me, I floated around smiling and saying hello to everyone and generally feeling a camaraderie with my fellow instructors. I slept fine, woke up early, and made it to school experiencing what I usually do when the new school year rolls around: sad that the summer is on its way out, but happy to be back in class.

That isn't to say I wasn't nervous. It is difficult to dismiss the impenetrable dread that you're going to fall flat on your face, but dealing with it isn't too bad. I had a long wait before my first class (I don't teach until 10 in the morning), and it struck me at about 9:45 that I was actually doing this. I became a teacher today. It wasn't at all what I imagined it to be. I start off my day teaching algebra to what is called a self-contained special education class. It's a small class of 10 students who took the course last year and failed to make any progress. This will test me as a teacher because I will have to try and step inside their shoes and figure out what each person needs to learn the material best. It will test my creativity and probably my patience. I'm glad I have this experience, especially in contrast to the other classes I teach.

The rest of my courses are in geometry, and, while there's a wide range of learning levels, the students were generally on the same page as me. It was in these classes that I had the chance to be myself a little more, to be a little more irreverent. I tried to establish a routine from the very first moment. I had them silently working on a questionnaire at the beginning of class, and that helped transition into my introduction and a brief lesson on basic geometric terms. I didn't make an elaborate speech. I didn't try to be Sidney Poitier in To Sir, With Love or anything. I tried to be direct and businesslike, but also welcoming and a little lighthearted. We'll see how it works out.

The students are great, and I really lucked out to have such a hard-working group. I also received early support from my principal and assistant principal, and I get the sense that they're looking out for me. Ever since I began teaching summer school, I've felt comfortable at the helm of a classroom. It's a strange experience because I recognize how inexperienced I am, and I'm constantly wondering what I'm missing as I teach a lesson. I know there are things going on amongst the students that go right over my head, and I'm trying to be as conscientious as possible. It's almost a sixth sense that you need to develop as a teacher, and it takes time. I try not to let this consciousness bother me while I go through my lesson. I try to commit to what I'm doing and hope my enthusiasm carries over to at least a few students. I'm looking forward to getting better at this.

And I think I will. The more I do it, the more I realize how committed I am to helping these students learn. I enjoy the urban setting. I enjoy the personalities that fill up my room in the Bronx. I have a sense of purpose that what I do gives my students a better chance to succeed, and my school goes a long way in reinforcing that purpose. I'm not teaching only because I like to do the work. I'm teaching because I get to work with these specific students. It's something I can't quite describe and something that I'm sure will evolve as the year goes on. Teaching in the Bronx is a unique endeavor. I'm committed.