The lack of content that has characterized this space over the past week is probably more telling than anything I could have written. That isn't to say nothing has being going on--it's quite the opposite. I haven't had time to write anything down. On the rare occasion when I don't have coursework to do and lesson plans to construct upon returning to my apartment (take last night, for instance), I end up collapsed on my bed and fast asleep within twenty minutes.
This week was a whirlwind. I began teaching on Monday. I am posted at the Bronx School for Law, Government, and Justice for the rest of the month teaching summer school with a teacher from the Bronx Academy of Letters, where I'll be teaching in the fall. The teacher with whom I work is also from Chicago, and this is her first time teaching summer school. I was more of an observer my first couple of days, and my teaching was all one-on-one or in small groups. I acted as something of an enforcer, if you'll believe that. After weeks of being told how stern and forceful you need to be right off the bat with a new class, she was extremely nice and lenient with the students. The class had a tendency to get out of hand, and I initially didn't think much of her management style. After a couple of days, however, they seemed to settle down with her vibe, and I realized that she was more in control than I originally thought.
Of everything I've learned this week, and believe me, I've learned a lot, the notion that you have to be yourself in front of a class has hit home the hardest. I can't let my class run wild, but I'm too laid back to be a drill sergeant. I don't want to come off as a phony. I think I'm intense enough to keep kids in line just because I care so much about their education. I'm focused on helping students to be better learners, and I don't think I'll let bad behavior get in my way.
This whole thing about being myself became clear to me after my first real teaching experience. On Thursday I was given the reins to the classroom, and I taught an hour-long lesson on determining the slope of a line. To be quite honest, I sucked. Ms. Pappas (my partner in crime) said she thought I did a great job for my first try, and I know I'm being overly hard on myself, but I really did suck. It was such a strange experience! When I taught a demo lesson several weeks ago, I could sense my excitement transferring to the students. (The content? Well, who knows....) I didn't do anything fancy, but I was able to draw out their participation, even from a student who I was told typically never spoke in class.
Thursday was completely different. I surprised myself with how long it took to create my lesson the night before. I kept worrying about it, and I had trouble sleeping. I generally never over-prepare; it's just not in my nature. Whether it's a presentation for class, studying for a test, or writing an essay, I simply don't like to expend the energy and time. This is why I always came off as the smart kid who never had to work for his accolades, but that's not the case at all. I work hard. I simply know what I need to feel prepared. Plus, when I'm making a presentation I like to have some wiggle room for improvisation. I'm better on my toes than when I know exactly what I'm going to do. So I'm a little perplexed as to why I over-worked myself for this lesson. I made a beautiful powerpoint presentation that utilized the class room's "smart board" and I filled it with plenty of visual representations of slope. But when push came to shove, I didn't feel like I taught very well.
Maybe I wasn't quite comfortable, and that transferred to the students. I'm not sure. Management wasn't much of an issue, and they were generally well-behaved. They just weren't quite 'there.' Afterwards I felt like Neo from The Matrix plummeting to the ground after failing to make his first jump across distant rooftops. The phrase "No one ever makes their first jump" rang through my ears for the rest of the day. I wasn't too discouraged because I know I'll have to take my lumps to become a good teacher, but it's hard hard not to be a little disappointed. I wanted to make my first jump. Oh, well. I'll get back on the saddle next week. I can't wait to do this again.
As for the kids, it's a hell of a challenge. They lack so many fundamental skills that even if they understand the larger concepts of algebra they can't perform the operations. It was difficult to teach slope when so many students didn't know how to plot points on a graph. One of the most difficult parts of the teaching aspect of my job is figuring out how to reach the students who don't have the basics to even begin understanding your lesson as well as the students who pretty much get it and need something more challenging. It's doubly trying when so many students need to be constantly prodded just to lift up a pencil and start working, regardless of ability. I have a tough road ahead of me.
On the same token, they're wonderful. I barely know the students in these classes, and I already find myself endeared to them. I love and hate the way they talk to each other. I admire their expressions of individuality and resent their obstinate defiance to people who genuinely want to help. I tend to like the problem kids. It's completely fascinating. I'll keep everyone posted on how the student-teacher dynamic develops over the course of the year.
This has been my life for the past week. I go through ups and downs and have tremendous learning experiences each day. And then I go to class for six more hours. Then maybe dinner with classmates. Then the train. Then I get home and want to write a blog post about all of it. Then I fall asleep, or do work. Sleeping takes precedence. Today I didn't have summer school or class, but I had to attend workshops all morning before talking curriculum for next year with the head of my math department. No rest for the weary over the weekend either because I'm taking six or seven hours of certification tests tomorrow. I imagine this sounds like I'm complaining, but I actually don't mind it. I enjoy what I'm doing, and that makes all the difference in the world.
I hope to have another post up this weekend. There's plenty of things on my mind. I've had a deeper, 'artsier' post in my head that I haven't quite been able to pen down for some time despite starting it a while ago. Perhaps you'll see it soon. I'm also going to see a play starring Bradley Whitford, Gina Gershon, and Christine Baranski tomorrow night, so I'll let you know how that goes. Bradley Whitford (The West Wing, Billy Madison) is one of my favorite actors, and Gina Gershon is just plain hot. I'm seeing the play with two friends from class. I can't express how grateful I am to be surrounded by these people everyday. I needed to borrow a calculator for the test tomorrow, and one of my classmates (the former Pittsburgh Pirates minor league baseball player) called me this evening to make sure that I had received one. These people are off the charts. I'm so lucky.
One last thing before I sign off. Holly went to Vegas earlier this week to celebrate her 21st, and she's spent the last few days with my Grandma Betty and Aunt Pat. I wish I could be there. I talked to her for awhile last night, and she couldn't have had more good things to say about them, as well as our Uncle Mike, our Aunt Kim, and our cousins Mike, Kath, and Ally. I don't get to see them very often so I'm something of an outsider to their tight-knit connection, but I miss them very much. They know how to make you feel like family, even if you're not biologically part of it. To add to what I just said, I'm something of an outsider but I never feel like one when I'm with them. It feels like I've been there for years the second I walk through their door. It's uncanny. I'm happy for Holly, and she deserves this break. It sounds like she's having a fantastic time. If anyone out there is reading this, please know that I'm thinking about you all the time.
That's it for today. I'll keep you posted as things progress. This great adventure continues to roll along....
No comments:
Post a Comment